香山リカのココロの万華鏡：「悲しみの家」があれば ／東京

(Mainichi Japan) April 1, 2012
Kaleidoscope of the Heart: Having one's own sanctuary for grief
香山リカのココロの万華鏡：「悲しみの家」があれば　／東京

At a recent symposium that I attended, I learned some shocking information from Yasuyuki Shimizu, the head of a suicide prevention nonprofit organization called Lifelink.
　「自殺対策支援センター　ライフリンク」というＮＰＯ法人がある。その代表である清水康之さんとシンポジウムで同席したのだが、その話が衝撃的だった。

Among those who call the group for help, there are many bereaved family members who lost their loved ones to last year's devastating earthquake and tsunami. What was particularly significant for me was that, according to Mr. Shimizu, one year after the disasters, not much has changed for many of those grieving.
　清水さんたちは大震災で家族を失った方たちの電話相談にも応じているのだが、その内容が１年前もいまもほとんど変わらないのだという。

The bereaved family members often describe their conditions as "being at a loss as to what to do." The feeling of being completely stumped by how to start to heal their emotional wounds lingers even a year after the disasters.
　遺族たちの言葉、それは「どうしてよいのかわかりません」。途方に暮れ、立ち直りのためにどこから手をつけてよいのかわからない状況が、ずっと続いているということだ。

As I was listening to Mr. Shimizu, part of me was surprised, but part of me also thought that such a state of mind is rather natural. In fact, it is rather impossible to expect people who have lost a loved one to suddenly be healed in a year or so.
　驚きを感じると同時に、「そうかもしれないな」という気もした。大切な人を失って、１年やそこらで元気になれ、というほうが無理だ。

We often hear words along the lines of "The clock has stopped since then," or "Since that day, I haven't moved a single step forward." However, if one comes to think about it, this is a rather normal human response -- and it is not only limited to those who lost a dear one in last year's disasters.
　「時計が止まったまま」「あの日から一歩も前に進めていない」という言葉もよく聞くが、ちょっと考えてみれば、それはあたりまえの話だ。

In our lives we are always surrounded by countless possibilities of unexpected personal loss, disease and major failure. When something devastating like this happens to us, we are often told by others to fight on and not give in to it, but the reality is that it always takes time to overcome such incidents.
　大震災で家族を失った人ばかりではない。私たちの人生には、想像もしていなかったつらいできごと、病気、大きな失敗などがいくらでも待ち受けている。それらを経験しても「負けるな」「乗り越えろ」と言われるが、それには時間がかかる。

There will be a certain period of time -- sometimes half a year, sometimes a year, or even longer -- when we won't be able to do anything but blankly stare into space. Sometimes it can take years before we once again become aware of the changing seasons.
半年、１年、あるいはもっと長い時間、何も手につかずぼーっとしてすごし、「ああ、春が来たな」と季節の変化に気づくようになるまでに何年もかかる、という場合もある。

In my consultation room, I often wonder whether a period of grief should be as short as possible. Whenever we treat patients who have suffered a major shock in their lives, we psychiatrists always tell them the following: "You must have suffered a great deal. However, if you take this medicine, you will feel a bit better. It will shorten the grief period and help you get better soon."
　診察室にいていつも疑問に思うのは、「本当につらい時期は短いほうがいいのか」ということだ。ショックなできごとがあって落ち込んでいる人に、私たち精神科医は判で押したように言う。「たいへんでしたね。でも、このお薬を飲むとつらさが少しやわらいで、元気になるまでの時間も短縮されると思いますよ」。

While this is not a lie per se, that is how we prescribe anti-depressants and other medications, while we sometimes also think that what the person really needs is to embrace the grief and take as much time as he or she needs to deal with the emotional pain.
それはウソではないのだが、そう言って抗うつ剤などを出しながら、「この人にとって必要なのは、十分な時間をかけてゆっくりと悲しむことなのではないか」とも思ってしまうのだ。

Unfortunately, however, modern society does not allow people the privilege of a long recovery from a sad and painful event in life. If people tell their employers that they are in need of a half year's leave to recover from a personal loss, they will most likely be recommended to quit their job or see a doctor and do something about it as soon as possible.
　ただ、現代の社会は悲しみやつらさにゆっくり時間をかけることを許さない。「大切なものを失ったので、半年ほど会社を休みます」と言ったら、すぐに退職を勧められるか、「病院に行って何とかしてもらえ」と命じられるだろう。

I sometimes think how wonderful it would be if people had their own "sanctuary for grief" -- a place far away from daily house chores and work, where they can be free to think about their grief as much as they need.
　悲しい人が、仕事や家事から離れて、ゆっくり時間をかけて悲しめるような場所。そんな「悲しみの家」を作れたらいいのにな、などとときどき考える。

Perhaps, at the moment, Lifelink is the closest thing we have to such a place.
今のところは、ライフリンクが行っているような電話相談が、その「悲しみの家」の役割を果たしているのかもしれない。

(By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
毎日新聞　2012年3月27日　地方版